When Opportunity Comes Knocking

ANOTHER DAY IN THE LIFE OF BURT JOHNSON

By N. Ritz

I quit my position at Bob's Stubs & Subs last week. I got real sick of Sally(nicknamed The Claw) always stealing Bob's cockrings and throwing them in the deep fryer, which I was in charge of, and then blaming it on me. I know Bob didn't really believe it was me, but Bob really wants to fuck Sally, so he would use the opportunity to flirt with her and show off his manliness by chewing me out and humiliating me while she stood there giggling.

Ray's Sloppy Seconds had a position open so on Friday I didn't even give a 2 week notice. I finished my shift and said "I quit. Good luck fuckers!"

I started at Ray's yesterday. Right now from 6AM to 8AM he has me pouring BBQ sauce from a very large tub into small squeezable bottles. From 8 to 12 I chop vegetables and slice meat. I get a 15 minute break and then I take inventory of all the waste while separating the usable and unusable. The work is challenging and the pay is the same, but it sure beats the hell out of that bitch fucking with me and trying to get me fired everyday. With hard work and dedication I hope to be promoted soon to head cashier. Wish me luck.

Burt Johnson